


All the Things I Didn’t Say

by Mysterious_L



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Destiel is cannon, M/M, R.I.P. Castiel, S15ep18 Despair, Spoilers if you aren’t caught up, post-episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27414322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysterious_L/pseuds/Mysterious_L
Summary: Basically Dean is in shock after Cas confessing and doesn’t get a chance to say it back.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	All the Things I Didn’t Say

**Author's Note:**

> This isn’t going to be polished really just something in my heard after watching the episode.

Dean stood there in shock tears welling up in his eyes as he watched his best-friend say goodbye. This wasn’t fair he thought. This isn’t how it’s supposed to end not like this.   
  


Caught up in his own anguish Dean almost missed the next words Cas said to him. “I love you” that one phrase somehow made everything connect. Their entire relationship always felt like it was more. Their bond was deeper than friends but Dean never took the time to process what that meant to him. Any words he tried to utter got stuck in his throat, his eyes burning as tears streamed down his face. 

Black goo started oozing out of the walls attaching itself to Cas and Billie. He watched frozen as Cas was swallowed up by the Empty and then he was just gone. Dean stood there numb trying to make sense of everything. His legs wobbled and he fell into the wall before crumpling to the floor. 

Dean stared at the spot where Cas once was hoping that when he blinked he would reappear as nothing happened. He felt like he couldn’t breathe those last words Castiel uttered playing over and over in his mind like a broken record. He loved me.... he loved me. I love him. Suddenly this single realization had his head spinning. 

For the longest time, he always felt like there was something more to his relationship with Cas. Apart from him had never felt like it was the right time especially with all the drama that had occurred between him and Cas after his mom’s death. But Dean knew the truth which was he has just been too afraid to say it. Afraid that putting it into context would mean he would risk letting himself get hurt again as someone else he loved was torn away from him.   
  
What hurts the most was knowing that it was too late Cas was gone. He’d never look into his eyes again, see his smile, or hear his voice. Worst of all he’s never get a chance to say it back. Dean sat there head in his hands wondering how he was supposed to keep going. 

The faint buzzing sound of his phone ringing broke the fragile silence. Turning down to look at his phone he saw that Sam was calling. Another wave of despair washed over Dean as it occurred to him he was going to have to tell Sam and Jack that Cas was gone. Sam was bad enough but how could he ever look Jack in the eyes again? Those kind eyes that were brimming with hope for the world and tell him that his father is dead. After everything Dean had put Jack through, after all he’d sacrificed his father was gone and it was all his fault.   
  
Dean sat there desperately wanting to scream, to break something, to do anything but he couldn’t. What was the point anymore? All fighting did was bring him was more pain. 

“I’m so sorry Cas.” He was right there and he should have said it back. Why didn’t he say it back? “Why?”

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy I guess or maybe this just ma enough sadder if so sorry.


End file.
